Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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