I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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