toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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