He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Randomize
