i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
