We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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