Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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