We named our party play list daddy issues
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
