remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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