I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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