i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
