No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
