they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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