we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just gift wrapped bread.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
