it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
