i need an iv and a liver transplant
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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