She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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