I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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