I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
