sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
