oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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