I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
