He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
