My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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