Porn is love you can see.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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