3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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