Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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