i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
