I wannas sexs uuuuu
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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