i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
