nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
