I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
