I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
