its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
