Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
