i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
