his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I need to sanitize my soul.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
