I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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