We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
