It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
