I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
