also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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