did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
