I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
