You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
