STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
