yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
