i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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