i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
