i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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