So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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