I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
